My boyfriend of seven years decided in early December that ‘it was time to go our separate ways.’ So here I am, single for the first time in seven years. Heart broken. Missing him every day. But determined to go on. I was hopeful at first as he left saying I was a wonderful woman who he cared deeply about and wished that I would remain “in his life some way.” He seemed very happy to hear from me the few times I im-ed him this past month to say hi. But I realized yesterday that I am not going to heal well this way — that I am obsessing on the idea that we will get back together and his “I’d like to be friends,” means that there’s a chance for him to change his mind and take me back. And I can’t focus on me if he’s still in the picture. This was his choice to dump me. Now he’s going to see what life’s like truly without me, and I’m going to see what it’s like without him.
So, I had read and read all sorts of stories on the Internet about breakups because this is my first one ever, and I wanted validation that I wasn’t alone and that the feelings I had were normal. In my reading, I read a random post somewhere on some love site of a girl having similar issues, and she said: “I’m going to have three months of just me!” and I loved that. Immediately, I loved that. So, here, I am: threemonthsofme. Even though we had an amazing relationship together, and I constantly wonder about how he’s doing or if he’s remembering “Move car Monday” or if he misses me – I need to stop and focus on me. Yesterday, I ‘unfriended’ him from Facebook. I took him out of my phone.
I’m going live three months without contacting him, and see where that takes me.
Apparently, I’m the type who likes to keep moving. Today I went on Meetup and found three groups that sounded interesting in my area and signed up for: 1) a book club for agnostics, humanists, and atheists, 2) a group entitled “fun, fearless, and [fabulous] females,” and 3) a foodie’s group for those who love food. There’s a book club on Sunday that sounds fun (gotta find the book, eep!) and a cool foodie meeting at the local museum in February. I’m determined not to wither away or sink away into the shadows. And there’s really no reason why I will. I have an amazing family who’s been great to me during this time. I have amazing friends who have reached out and check up on me: here in my town and all across the world. I have two awesome co-workers. One who made me amazing French onion soup and got me drunk on wine on Friday night and then treated me to a 35 min full body massage in her home by her friend Jimmy who’s a professional masseur. The other who’s helping me with my research and encouraging me to finish my PhD. I have an awesome counselor. I have this craft group that keeps me laughing. And, yet, I find a huge hole in my heart, and I find myself crying on and off and wanting not to get out of bed. The person that was my closest friend for the last seven years of my life is gone … only he’s not. He lives down the hill from my new apartment. I think that makes it worse.
So, I thought having this blog would help me keep me motivated and on task to “my three months of me.”
xkcd.com, Randall Munroe - (Note: roles reversed in my story but, basically, this is close to how it happened.
think I’ll go take a bath and burn some yummy candles.
threemonthsofme 