I had almost forgotten I had started this blog until yesterday when I received a message that I had a post from Seasweetie. I was like “threemonthsofme? why does that sound familiar? Oh!!!!!!!!” And I thought, well, maybe I shouldn’t leave this storyline hanging……….
This is what happened to me: Just Friend and I decided to remain Just Friends – and I stopped the random hooking up between the two of us, and that worked out just fine. Shortly after stopping blogging, I discovered that my Ex had started to date the 20 year old that we use to fight about all the time — the one he claimed was “his little sister” (how gross is THAT?) and the one that claimed “he wasn’t her type.” Like I hadn’t seen THAT coming. That hurt but at least it reconfirmed I wasn’t crazy. I had to see the Ex in August at a mutual friend’s wedding at basically the place we had grown up together. I dreaded and dreaded going but my friends made me look like a million bucks, and I went looking amazing and had a great time. I only had two small encounters with the Ex, which was fine with me. The first thing he said to me? It wasn’t “hello, how are you?” – I was talking about having had passed my candidacy to friends and he was sitting close by. It wasn’t “congratulations! that’s a big step! I’m proud of you!” It was “so and so said that x on your committee was a bitch to you.” I just looked at him coldly and replied “yes, she was a little unprofessional,” and continued my conversation with the others. While everyone was dancing and laughing, he wandered off into the darkness by himself to play his mandolin. He looked pathetic, and I almost ALMOST felt bad for him.
The next day, I was going for a walk, and I turned the corner of a building as he was exiting, and we came face to face with nothing to hide behind. I said “Hey, how’s it going,” and he said “ok…I miss you.” and I said “I miss you too,” and he stuck out his hand for a hand shake?!?! I rolled my eyes and hugged him. He hung on an extra couple seconds too long. I noticed he was wearing a shirt I had given him and a necklace I had made… what the? I told him to take care and went for a long walk in the woods. I cried a little until I got to a high point on the ridge, turned my phone on, and found it was filled with messages telling me that I was wonderful and all my friends were thinking of me and hoping everything went okay. And then I went back and joined the table for breakfast, sitting right down by the ex, and the table reminisced about old times. And that was that.
August was the first and last interaction I had with my ex , until I sent him an email in the beginning of February to say some things I needed to in order to move on. I told him I was doing really well, had conquered my depression, thanked him for our time together, and wished things hadn’t ended so sourly between the two of us. I said I would be more than willing to be able to talk again but I wasn’t expecting anything. He wrote back a little email saying he appreciated the note, felt similarly, and how he was “still figuring things out” but maybe we could talk in the future but he was soooo busy.
That said… I started online dating to meet some new people. I am at an amazing point in my life where I am excited about my research, I have great friends, fun hobbies, and I’ve conquered my depression AND began serious re-routing on the mental defenses I had built up overtime. I now enjoy life. I smile every day! My Ex was always belittling me and my abilities (maybe because he was jealous?), and because I was suffering from years of untreated clinical depression, I wasn’t able to stand up for myself or shine, and had started to believe that I wasn’t smart or beautiful or fun or creative. I’m not saying he wasn’t a great friend as well and that we didn’t have wonderful times together – we did. It was just the majority of the relationship was unhealthy. I don’t think either of us realized it; I’m sure he wasn’t hurting me on purpose, and I was too in love with him to see that the thing he said or did hurt me. He is definitely at a different point in his life and has a lot to learn about himself still — especially about how to treat others. I do not envy the girl he is with now in the least. I can’t believe he hopped right into another relationship without taking time to figure himself out.
I, on the otherhand, after good year and half of having been single, decided to test the waters and made an online dating account thanks the encouragement of one of my very best friends. I was thinking that I would try it and probably wouldn’t find anyone for … maybe ever? but that it would be good experience to get back out there. So, I went on a few dates, and BAM! I meet FarmBoy within two weeks of opening my account. We are approaching two months together now and head over heels in love. FarmBoy makes me feel like a goddess and is teaching me what it feels like to be cherished and appreciated. I have already received in seven weeks more flowers and compliments and amazing AMAZING orgasms then I ever did in seven years with my Ex. And the best thing about FarmBoy? I’m equally passionate about him. He’s handsome and smart and modest and talented and playful and creative and funny and at the very same point in life that I am — in terms of knowing what he wants from a relationship and his goals for the future. We are having a blast together.
So, that, Seasweetie, is what happened to me!